What Burnout Taught Me...

In 2018, I was running the BEST version of my business. I still hadn't reached my revenue goal, but I had an adorable shared studio with my business bestie. All of my numbers were up. I was outsourcing the tasks I enjoyed the least to an amazing assistant. I had co-founded a creative female entrepreneur Mastermind that was bringing so much joy and purpose to my life. I was actually leaving my laptop at work in the evenings!!! I look back at this time as the peak of my subscription and event floral business. It's true that I am looking through a pair of rose-colored glasses, but I also know that this was the period of time that my business was THE MOST aligned with my core values and my goals.

So what happened?!?

The perfect storm of chaos rolled into my life in waves to knock down my bricks of alignment. 

Phase 1: We welcomed our second son into our lives in January of 2019. I was woefully unprepared for how adding a second child into our lives would kick off the "divide and conquer" survival mode we are still white-knuckling to this day. I wouldn't change a thing about our family dynamic, but this would have been an ideal time for me to learn how to re-evaluate my core values, priorities, goals, and capacity so that I could have adapted my business to fit the new version and needs of my life. Instead, I continued to run myself into the ground, berate myself, and let frustration overwhelm me when I wasn't able to fit into the box my previous self had created.

Phase 2: In January of 2020 we moved 40 minutes away from the city, my studio, my suppliers, and my clients. I vastly underestimated how much that distance would impact my business and my ability to serve my clients in the way I had set-up my business to work. I know in my heart of hearts that this was the right move for our family and I don't regret our choice to move, but again, I wish I would have walked into the change prepared to ADAPT THE BUSINESS to fit my needs. Instead, I ran myself ragged (again) and tried to make myself fit into the previous version of my business. 

Phase 3: I'm sure this will sound familiar. In March of 2020, the covid pandemic rolled into my little corner of the United States and caused all non-essential business to shut down. Essentially overnight, my business temporarily closed, my kids childcare closed, and I became a homeschooling stay-at home mom. This coincided with my husband starting a new job and having to work from home, in a house that will still more full of boxes than things. I remember having no idea how long it would last, but naively believing it would be a month or so until I would be back to some semblance of normal. I was so very wrong. With the uncertainty looming over our heads, my business bestie and I decided not to renew or studio lease and I moved my business into my home. And once again, I struggled to adapt the business to fit my needs.

Phase 4: The influx of subscriptions and weddings that came after the pandemic closures lifted took my business from barely moving to running a marathon. After so much stagnation (and diminished income) I said yes to almost every opportunity that came my way. When I think about this time, I vividly remember mourning and making a casket spray for my grandpa, who had passed away unexpectedly as a result of Covid and then having two days to make all of my Valentine's day orders. On one hand, I was grateful for the distraction from grief. But on the other hand, I didn't give myself a chance to process how heartbroken I was to lose him so suddenly after months of not being able to visit him. I also didn't give myself the gift of grieving together with my family. I know this was an awful time for almost everyone, but it deeply stands out as a time in which I had really and truly abandoned my core values, my needs, and any kindness I could have offered to myself.

Over the period of a few years, I had invested a lot of time and energy into growing my business in various ways without considering whether I was growing in the direction of alignment. We bought a hoop house and expanded our garden. I invested money into making the home studio work. I continued adding clients in areas that were geographically far from my home studio. I continued scheduling deliveries and then rushing home to get my kid off the bus. I continued adding to my plate, without dropping other tasks or even asking myself why.

Burnout wasn't an immediate or even apparent state of being. It came in slow, sometimes in trickles, sometimes in waves. But over time it eroded away the joy and fulfillment I had built into my business. Once you get so far into burnout, it becomes about survival. And if you are lucky, you stop feeling much at all. You just do what you need to do to get through the week. You tell yourself you love your business while you struggle to even muster enough energy to post on social media. And then you get to a point where you don't really care much about anything at all. Projects that used to get you excited are just "work" now. 

Burnout is brutal. And once you are in it, it's so damn hard to get out. However, I am grateful that I experienced burnout. Truly. It forced me to separate the emotion from my business and be objective about whether or not it was actually conducive with who I am now. It allowed me to let go of things that I thought were a part of who I am, but were actually part of who I was when I started the business. It forced me to accept that I am not the same woman who started this business eight years ago AND THAT IS AMAZING! That means I have evolved and adapted to this season of life, and to the person that my family and friends need me to be.

If any of this resonates with you then NOW is the time to do something about it. You can start making shifts in your business to avoid the full collapse of burnout. You can get curious, ask questions, and get clear on your path forward. You can start making changes so your business can fit the person you are today and the person you are evolving to be in the future.

I cannot regret burnout, because it gave me the skills and the courage to carve a new path for myself in the Fireproof Method. It helped me see that this season of life is calling me to help other creative small business owners overcome the challenges that inherently come with running a creative small business and evolving as a human. Where is the discomfort in your business? Where is it coming from? What can you do about it? How will you bring your business and your life into alignment and how will you adapt to stay in alignment as you change? Start by understanding yourself first. Create a solid foundation to build from and continually reassess whenever you notice friction in your business. The friction you feel could be a sign that something is moving out of alignment.

Wishing you purpose, passion, and presence,

Kaylee